Miscarriage is defined as termination of pregnancy within 20 weeks of conception. Loss of the fetus later than that is known as the case of a stillbirth. Miscarriage is different from abortion, which is intentional termination of pregnancy undertaken medically and is a perfectly legal activity. Statistics show that occurrence of miscarriage is usually very high and all pregnancies do not end up in successful child births. Chances of stillbirth are generally less as compared to miscarriage. However, the aftermath of a miscarriage is not easy to deal with. Physically the woman will return to normalcy in a few weeks time but it is the emotional suffering that takes time to heal.
Mostly, expecting mothers are flooded with expectations from other family members. This and the fact that motherhood is rated the highest priority, leads to a lot of emotional attachment with the unborn child. So, when miscarriage occurs, the loss becomes unbearable. It is as if a living baby has died. Dealing with such a situation is complicated because this sense of loss not only leads to feeling of intense grief but also guilt, depression and jealousies. She may distance herself from family and not interact in a normal way. Even her husband may not be allowed to share her grief. Though individual differences are there as far as the intensity of pain and other associated feelings are concerned, a woman would be better off, if her friends and family members are there to share her grief.
The first thing the members of the support group need to understand is that most of the miscarriages happen on their own. A miscarriage happens because that is what was supposed to happen. The reasons could be many. All which are controlled by nature. There may be something wrong in the way the conception occurred that affected the fetal development. There may be problems with the woman's internal organs or she may have a family history of miscarriage. The mother may develop high blood pressure or any such problem that may affect the fetus. Sometimes, minor accidents, intense grief or shock following some untoward incident could trigger miscarriage. So, there is absolutely nothing that can prevent a miscarriage. It is beyond human control. Once it happens, it is better to accept it and move on. Most of the women who have suffered miscarriages go on to become successful mothers later.
The next thing is to sensitively go along the grief-stricken mother through the process of normalization. Initially, she may feel physically weak and mentally numb. It is okay to let her be alone for some time, but people must be around to comfort her when she needs someone. Allow her to cry, talk, sleep or simply be by herself. Understanding her moods and being by her side helps. Gradually, she will come out of this phase. Then you can involve her in light activities of her choice. She may even want to get back to her usual daily activity, job or whatever. Once this stage comes, you can anticipate happier times to arrive gradually. Do not force anything on her and be patient even if her behavior might seem irrational at times. It would just be momentary, but being judgmental would upset her and hinder the normalization process.